Analysis of the name "Colorado Rapids"

AreliusIV · 05-05-2006, 11:44 AM

Much has been made over the years of MLS Team names. We are joined by literary theorist Stanley Fish to explain some of the tensions inherent in the signifier "Colorado Rapids." Dr. Fish, welcome.

Dr. Fish: It's a pleasure to be here.

Could you elaborate on the semiotic slippage that plagues the Colorado Rapids?

Dr. Fish: Of course. As you know, an evaluation of any text, such as a team name, does not exist merely in the vacuum of authorial intent. Instead, we must evaluate the response to a text, to find an interpretive community, a space in which the meaning of the text fills. Clearly, the authors of the phrase "Colorado Rapids" wanted to evoke swiftness and danger, perhaps a denotative meaning evocative of Achilles. Yet when we apply theory to The Colorado Rapids, we must include the reader's natural response to the idea of "rapids". Namely, rapids are things to be ridden, exploited in nature, and ultimately conquered. Therefore the name "Colorado Rapids" is self-defeating, as it implies an eventual subjugation to the forces of man.

Fascinating. So what you are saying is that the Colorado Rapids, by their name, will have their agency subsumed by other forces which will always master them?

Dr. Fish: It the Second Great Law of Team Names: Don't pick a name that people will naturally ride in or on top of for fun or pleasure. The first Great Law is, of course, not to pick a name that will offend a minority market in your country. That is why the Dallas Cowboys resonate with semioticians much more than the Denver Broncos, as the Cowboy will naturally be imaged subduing the Bronco. Similarly, other team names imply a lesser power dynamic inviting images of being mastered by others include the New York Jets (will be ridden by others), Buffalo Bills (prey to be hunted), New York Red Bulls (slaughtered by matadors or cans crushed underfoot at tailgates), the Anaheim Mighty Ducks (doomed to be pelted with small bits of bread), and the Southern California Jennifer Garners.

I must confess, I had no idea that literary theory could be applied to sporting events so readily.

Dr. Fish: You often hear of athletes visualizing their performance on a field before playing a match. What is visualization if not an act of interpretation? And influencing that interpretation is the choice of totem image, the primary signifier through a mascot that is a team name. The Rapids are doomed to visualize themselves being mastered.

Thank you for your comments Dr. Fish. Any final predications?

Dr. Fish: Colorado nil, DC United 2, on goals from Eskandarian and Moreno.

montgjules · 05-05-2006, 11:48 AM

JasonMa · 05-05-2006, 01:55 PM

I'm thinking that a supporter of a team with a name like ReAl(FaKe) SaLt LaKe (What's royal about your team again?) shouldn't be commenting on other team names. Glass house, stones, all that. But since you seem to have so much of an issue with it, we'll be happy to change to Rocky Mountain Arsenal when we move into our new stadium next season. BTW, how's your stadium going?

Burninator · 05-05-2006, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JasonMa

BTW, how's your stadium going?

Oooooh, you evil, EVIL rocket science! We will have our revenge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

⚽ Geoff
-----------------------
REGULATORS! Mount up!
We are RSL, therefore we hate the cRapids.

prk166 · 05-05-2006, 02:16 PM

Ya know, I was in Commerce City 2 weeks ago. I think it's great. And you have to give props to Kroenke [sic] for all the nice touches like the roof and having the foresight to install manikins in half the seats so the stadium looks sold out. :p

Aero · 05-05-2006, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JasonMa

Rocky Mountain Arsenal when we move into our new stadium next season.

Wouldn't you actually have to be in the Rocky Mountains to use that name? Something more appropriate, accurate, and right in line with your current name would be High Plains Buffalo Chips. See how easily Crapids blends right into that?

JasonMa · 05-05-2006, 02:22 PM

Considering we'll be in the Rocky Mountain Arsenal, I see no grounds for complaint. Apparently the federal government considers it to be in the Rocky Mountains.

Aero · 05-05-2006, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JasonMa

Considering we'll be in the Rocky Mountain Arsenal, I see no grounds for complaint. Apparently the federal government considers it to be in the Rocky Mountains.

Well that explains a lot. You actually think that the federal government is right about stuff. I guess they are just as bad with geometry as you obviously are. The two of you are a match made in heaven. When can we expect the announcements?

Deuce · 05-05-2006, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JasonMa

Apparently the federal government considers it to be in the Rocky Mountains.

Yeah those are the guys that have a department of the "interior"... to take care of everything on the "outside"...
But seriously? you are basing your argument on the government's judgement?

Seriously?

JasonMa · 05-05-2006, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deuce

Yeah those are the guys that have a department of the "interior"... to take care of everything on the "outside"...
But seriously? you are basing your argument on the government's judgement?

Seriously?

Nah, just pointing out who named it. I'm still trying to figure out how SLC citizens at 4300' can say that they are in the Rockies but Denver at 5300' isn't. I know you guys are tired of looking up at the Rapids (Be it in altitude, the conference standings, or the Rocky Mountain Cup standings) but you're getting a little desperate.