Message board rules.

[fuegote]

I post this not because I consider myself a message board expert, but I have learned a lot of lessons from messageboarding that might be beneficial to others. I guess this is in response to the latest fire that just came out today.

I also post this because I had a discussion with Neil earlier this year (remember him? He’s the admin) about how many here were new to sports board (my guess is a majority).


I’m going to post this as sound counsel and hopefully it will be understood for its true intention.


1. It is only a message board.

Granted it is a great place to belong and get to know people. Just remember, as with life, there will be some in the group you don’t like. What do you do in those occasions? I know in my life I either ignore them or try and overcome whatever is blocking me from liking them.


2. Do not retaliate unless you are able to withstand the retaliation back.

If you decide that you want to “attack,” “defend,” or “stand up” for your particular point of view, just remember the other person is going to as well. If you participated, expect an answer in return. If you don’t like it, stop responding.


It is my belief that you will never change anyone’s mind on a message board unless the person is open to the idea. You will never sway me from my point of view. I will never sway you as well. No one ever wins an internet argument.


On this subject, and a reminder, there are also “trolls” who try and get the board riled up. You can either choose to respond to the troll or ignore her/him. Just know if you respond, you’re playing right into what he/she wanted you to do. You can either play along or just ignore it.


Last area to cover under #2: Personal attacks are off limits. They simply are. On utefans.net, the admin and his family were threatened once. That is not tolerable. If you find yourself in that state…back away from the computer, you’ve taken it to another level.


3. If the words lawsuit, punishment, “you’re going to pay” are ever used in one of your posts, then you’ve got to much emotion tied up into the thread to have a reasonable discussion. Step away from the computer. This is supposed to be fun people.


4. You have a choice.

Believe it or not, you can choose to enjoy this experience or not. I have heard too much *****ing about how “I’m not having anymore fun because of so and so, or because of this group.” You are in control of your own feelings. A lot is said about my “little group” and how we’ve caused so much distress in the lives of soccer fans in the Salt Lake Valley. How I respond to that (and for anyone that knows me you can back me up):


a. I’m about as hostile as the State Puff Marshmallow Man, er…bad example. The Michellan Man. We are not mean-spirited, we are not trying to bring down the Loyalists. We aren’t. We never started anything malicious but for whatever reason it’s easy to blame the group, or one person in the group, or the brothers, or everyone but the brothers as being the cause of unhappiness in soccer fandom. I blame Pres. Bush (wink wink).


Listen, you’re in charge of how you feel, not the other way around. I would love to say I have that much control over someone’s feelings. Hell, I can’t even control Mrs. Fuegote’s feelings and I’m with her much more than I’m with you all.


b. When I hear some members saying that they don’t want to come, or they don’t want to sit with the group anymore, I ask you: What were your expectations going into this. You’re clearly frustrated because some expectation is not clearly met.


For the record, no one from my “tiny club” has wanted to avoid sitting with the group. Why? Because we are still having fun. Even after all the crap we went through at the beginning of forming our “miniscule guild” we still showed up, sat next to the Loyalists and enjoyed the crap out of every soccer game. This is in no way to say, look at our “miniature society” we are awesome. No, this is to say, “Grow Up!” Either you sit with the group and have fun or you don’t, but don’t blame anyone in the Loyalists or the RCB for not having fun anymore.


I know for a fact that many of us have made one friend or another in our first soccer season. Crap, I’ve met a lot more from these message boards in person than I have on the other boards I frequent. I have some great friends, and Pete knows I need them because I get sick of my wife’s friends (just kidding Mrs. Fuegote ß-notice she’s capitalized and I’m not…sheesh). What is wrong of developing that friendship? You can’t be friends with everyone in the group, but you do have that new friend or friends.


There are three more home games until the <sniff sniff> off-season. I thought the bickering had stopped, and I see some still hold grudges against others and some are blaming their not having fun on others as well. The drama needs to stop and the only reason it’s there is because some are too emotionally tied to these boards and the groups as a whole.


I’m not setting myself on a pedestal but I’m going to relate some experiences I’ve had from being on message boards.


I frequent http://www.utefans.net. I’m a huge Utah fan, have been my whole life. I’m also pretty conservative in my political views which I find sometimes I’m in the not so vocal minority. We have had many a political discussion but no one has ever left the discussion offended, nor has anyone changed their point of view. These have been heated discussions. They’ve said I’m a closed minded idiot for how I voted, but I never take that personally because that’s his opinion. I can try to defend my self or just be self assured that I’m okay with my choice and not answer.


I also visit http://www.cougarboard.com. I’m a ute on a cougar fan board. I’ve donated to the board and enjoy a variety of discussions that I can’t have on the Utah board. I may have some heated arguments with some delusional cougar fans, but I never have heard mention of lawsuits or retribution mentioned. I’m a pretty good friend and they see me as a “rational” Ute fan.


What I’m trying to say is, don’t take any of this personally. This is a message board. A place where we can discuss what’s on your mind. Message boards are why retired folks with computers aren’t as depressed as those without a computer. This is a great way to learn other points of view.


But…


If you find yourself getting angry or offended, maybe either be on it less or walk away for awhile. Trust me, it’s not worth losing sleep, but don’t blame me or anyone else in either group. The onus of not having fun is entirely on your shoulders. I’m not losing sleep over it trust me.


<well, maybe I am tonight because it’s 12:53 am right now>


There is my soapbox and rules of messageboarding (can that be a verb?).


Any questions? Good. Class dismissed.

[DizzyHolly]

Well said fuegote, well said

[HibaIssa]

Bravo!!

I'm sick of drama, it's that simple.

[montgjules]

Good advice, fuegote.

I wonder if I'm the only one here who thinks that people who bully, intimidate, and deliberately stir up trouble should once in a while take some responsibility for their actions, even if they cannot control how people react to those things.

When I have offended someone, I am genuinely sorry and try to make amends, even if I never meant offense and am not responsible for the other person's choice to become offended.

People in the supporters groups have a unique chance to make soccer a bigger and better thing by creating an awesome atmosphere for those who want to watch the game. Or they make an atmosphere where people feel unwelcome, unwanted... You can say it's not your responsibility to make others happy and that's true, but if you love the game, you should go out of your way to make people feel welcome instead of laughing at people as they feel driven away.

That being said, I don't really care much about this stuff anymore. I'm just trying to give a little friendly advice to those who want to make these supporters groups better in the future. If you want people to join and have fun, you have to at least try to be friendly and inclusive and take responsibility for your choices if you deliberately act unkindly.

[montgjules]

With all that being said, I am DONE. I have spoken my bit and I will not stir the waters anymore by any of those nasty non-conforming opinions. (Heaven forbid.. shudder...)

Love ya all and GO RSL!!!

[Deuce]

That is a much more eloquent way of saying what I attempted to say last night!
I never claimed to be a master of words or temperament.
Thanks for your input Fuegote...

Good, sound advice that can be used to combat evil doers everywhere. :signrocko

[Aero]

Nice post, but I agree with almost everything. I do have one problem with it though. It is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man not the State Puff Marshmallow Man.

Seriously though, great post fuegote! Nobody controls anyone else's attitude. A person could have a blast in a hurricane if they really wanted to. It's all about how you approach things and your own personal attitude and not about other people's actions or attitudes. There is nothing that anyone could do to stop someone bound and determined to have fun.

[bordelais7]

Man, that was long. Can you make it a little more entertaining next time, fuegote?

The offseason on this board is going to be brutal.

[montgjules]

Are you kidding? I'm gonna go find me a new message board for the offseason. Something with less controversy, like something that discusses politics.

[Section 37]

Originally Posted by montgjules

Are you kidding? I'm gonna go find me a new message board for the offseason. Something with less controversy, like something that discusses politics.

or religion

or both.