Time to lighten up

[Deuce]

**sniff**

[montgjules]

http://www.geekuniverse.org/juliana/berlitzad.mpg

[Czar Jake]

Originally Posted by montgjules

http://www.geekuniverse.org/juliana/berlitzad.mpg

HAHAHAHAHHAHA that is great!

[prk166]

Originally Posted by montgjules

http://www.geekuniverse.org/juliana/berlitzad.mpg

brilliant!

[AreliusIV]

A man who reeked of alcohol flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and
a half empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the
disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked "Say, Father, do you know
what causes arthritis?"

The priest, disgusted by the man's appearance and behavior snapped "It's
caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much
alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be," the man muttered and returned to his newspaper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized, "I'm sorry to have come on so strong - I didn't mean it. How
long have you been suffering from arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

[AreliusIV]

Bush impersonators
http://www.jokaroo.com/funnyvideos/george_bush_impersonator.html
http://www.wimp.com/bushcomedy/
http://www.stevebridges.com/performance.html#

[Aerick]

Originally Posted by AreliusIV

Bush impersonators
http://www.jokaroo.com/funnyvideos/george_bush_impersonator.html
http://www.wimp.com/bushcomedy/
http://www.stevebridges.com/performance.html#

Those were funny!!!

[AreliusIV]

A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives
information about patients? I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
Sarah Finkel, room 302."
"I'll connect you with the nursing station."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Room 302? Yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well.
In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a
couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief!? Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me crap."

[AreliusIV]

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.
One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.
Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money
into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money
to the beggar behind the cross,
but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says,
"My poor fellow, don't you understand?? This is a Catholic country, this
city is the seed of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if
you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're
sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give
to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listened to the priest, turned to the
other beggar with the cross and said:
"Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."


A man walks into the dentist office and lies in the chair... The dentist comes in and proceeds to do an examination.
In the middle of the exam, the man tells the dentist he apologizes that he has just had lunch
and did not have time to brush his teeth before the appointment as he was running a bit late.
The dentist tells him, "That's OK. I understand. I just had to use the bathroom and didn't have time to wash my hands."


Joe was having a drink at a local pub with his good buddy, Billy.
Billy noticed an impressive new watch on Joe's wrist and asked,
"Where did you get that gold watch Joe?"

"I won it in a race," answered Joe.

"Wow, that's great!" said Billy. "How many people participated in
the race?"

"Three," explained Joe, "A policeman, the owner of the jewelry
store, and me!!!"



A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a
“Living Will”

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.

[AreliusIV]

Whipped cream